Time to Break Out the Violins

TIME TO BREAK OUT THE VIOLINS….In an apparent effort to replace the John Birch Society as Orange County’s most embarrassing icon, NASCAR driver Robby Gordon has announced that he won’t drive in the Indy 500 ever again unless women are forced to drive with a handicap. Why? Because Danica Patrick has qualified fourth in the Indy 500 and actually has a chance to win:

Gordon, a former open-wheel driver now in NASCAR, contends that Patrick is at an advantage over the rest of the competitors because she only weighs 100 pounds. Because all the cars weigh the same, Patrick’s is lighter on the race track.

“The lighter the car, the faster it goes,” Gordon said. “Do the math. Put her in the car at her weight, then put me or Tony Stewart in the car at 200 pounds and our car is at least 100 pounds heavier.

“I won’t race against her until the IRL does something to take that advantage away.”

….Although her rivals in Sunday’s race have said she doesn’t have a huge advantage, pole-sitter Tony Kanaan told reporters he would like the Indy Racing League to look into the issue.

Goodness! Those girls are practically cheating by being smaller than men, aren’t they? It just breaks your heart.

Still, maybe we should get into the spirit of the thing. Perhaps NASCAR’s men should be forced to drive with artificially stiffer steering wheels to make up for their naturally greater upper body strength. Maybe male tennis players should play against women but be required to use two-pound rackets. Maybe Tiger Woods should be forced to use 3 ounce golf balls.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? Men have dozens of advantages against women in practically every sport on the planet, and earn mountains of money because of it. But find one minor advantage for women in one single sport and the men suddenly start blubbering about how unfair it is. What a bunch of whiners.