Here are some of the stories currently at the top of the news:
— With a hurricane brewing in Tampa, the Republican National Convention has canceled Monday’s fesitivities. Apparently, speeches by Nikki Haley, Mike Huckabee, and Jeb Bush will be canceled. I’m sure you’re all crushed!
— Speaking of lame Republicans, Todd Akin’s standing in the polls has dipped precipitously ever since his infamous remarks about rape. Well, I should hope so! The only surprise is that his numbers haven’t sunk even lower.
— Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, has died. He was 82.
— Former Republican Florida governor Charlie Christ (remember him?) has endorsed Barack Obama.
— Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has become engaged to his Argentinian girlfriend. Here’s to a honeymoon on the Appalachian Trail for those two crazy lovebirds!
— And finally, lo unto the cast of Jersey Shore, a child is born: MTV reports that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has delivered herself of a 6 pound, 5 ounce baby boy. Snooki’s rep told MTV, “The world just got another Guido!!!” (Triple exclamation points: theirs). I trust that the baby’s all-leopard print nursery and wardrobe are good to go.