The Cowardly Sheep Unload Clip Again

In the flotsam and jetsam of campaign news came a report that Newt Gingrich had broken the informal boycott of Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin by agreeing to do a fundraiser for him (as announced by Akin’s home-state booster Phyllis Schlafly, no less).

Dave Weigel promptly argued on Twitter that this was no surprise, since former Gingrich flack Rick Tyler was on Akin’s payroll.

This sent me into fond memories of Tyler’s infamous statement on Gingrich’s behalf on the first occasion it looked like the wiggy former Speaker’s 2012 candidacy had self-destructed, and I thought it would be cool to rewrite it as though the subject were Todd Akin. But then I re-read the sucker, and realized if he just changed “Gingrich” to “Akin” he could re-release it as is. Check it out:

The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich [Akin], once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.

Paranoia and self-righteousness are ever self-regenerating.

If you never saw it or just want to enjoy it again, check out Jon White’s brilliant cartoon depiction of Tyler’s statement.

Ed Kilgore

Ed Kilgore, a Monthly contributing editor, is a columnist for the Daily Intelligencer, New York magazine’s politics blog, and the managing editor for the Democratic Strategist.