Shorter Republican Advice

SHORTER REPUBLICAN ADVICE….There’s been a real outpouring of Republican advice to Democrats lately. I don’t doubt that it’s all heartfelt, of course, and I do like to keep up with this kind of stuff, but it’s been hard. There’s just so much of it.

But there’s good news: it turns out that after you’ve read the first few they all start sounding suspiciously uncannily similar. So for all you Democrats who don’t have the time to wade through them all, here is Shorter Republican Advice:

  • Republican interest groups are good, but Democratic interest groups aren’t. You need to abandon all the groups who actually provide time and money to your campaigns or else nobody will ever take you seriously.

  • You are all much too angry these days and will end up like Darth Vader if you don’t control your hatred. You know what happened to Darth Vader, don’t you? You will earn much more respect if you adopt a moderate tone that doesn’t run the risk of driving your base into a dangerous frenzy of activity.

  • George Bush is a very popular man, and attacking a popular man only makes you look bad. You should therefore refrain from any personal attacks ? especially those surprisingly effective attacks on his casual relationship with the truth ? that might succeed in making him less popular.

  • Polling data is deeply misleading. The fact is, Americans do not like Democratic positions on healthcare, civil rights, gun control, abortion, education, or the economy. The wise Democrat will see through the illusion and adopt Republican viewpoints on all these matters.

  • You should stop questioning the war. Loyal oppositions don’t question war, and Americans don’t like disloyalty.

Thanks, guys!

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