All of those drug busts at Ivy League schools get a lot of press because, you know, those schools are really famous.

But it turns out that, despite the fact that Columbia has five students recently charged with serious drug offenses, the school actually doesn’t have that many reported drug incidents.

According to a piece in Gawker by Richard Lawson:

According to stats compiled by the New York Post, there were 121 disciplinary drug busts at uptown nerdfest Columbia last year, compared to 610 at artfag haven NYU. Do NYU kids do more drugs? Possibly. Or, security are just dicks.

I mean, the far higher number of offenses can’t just be that NYU kids are simply doing more drugs, more brazenly, can it? Hm, what’s that? Yes it absolutely can be, because NYU kids are cocky little shits who collectively do enough drugs to take down a single Bard senior? (That’s a lot of drugs.) Hm, OK then. Columbia, get on this! Don’t let those downtown bobos out-cool you! Or, keep secretly doing all the drugs and thank your campus security for being bros.

Well actually Columbia students are probably doing plenty of drugs. It’s just that there are 7,169 undergraduates at Columbia and more than 20,000 at NYU.

If Columbia’s drug incidents were actually in line with New York University’s, the school would have like one drug bust for every 11 students. [Image via]

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Daniel Luzer is the news editor at Governing Magazine and former web editor of the Washington Monthly. Find him on Twitter: @Daniel_Luzer