Okay, a brief break from football-induced concussions and brutal homophobia in Africa. Here’s a link to “Things That Should Fall Out Of A Piñata At A Cinco De Mayo Party,” from The Awl.

Said items include:

26) Gravy

25) Coupons for candy

24) Pictures of people hitting a piñata from a different piñata party. Everyone will assume they are from your piñata party and it will come across as very clever

23) Dozens of smaller piñatas

See? Everything’s going to be all right!*

*probably not, actually

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Jesse Singal is a former opinion writer for The Boston Globe and former web editor of the Washington Monthly. He is currently a master's student at Princeton's Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Policy. Follow him on Twitter at @jessesingal.