In my post yesterday about Ross Douthat’s “daughter theory” of how upscale folk might be weened from liberalism, I observed there wasn’t much about the Republican agenda that seemed design to advance the interests of young women looking for a mate:
Will deregulating Wall Street make him [the commitment-shy male) more interested in marrying and propagating? How about a war with Iran? Are SNAP benefits his kryptonite? And will taking away the reproductive rights of the women he exploits turn him around?
But fortunately, Amanda Marcotte spells it all out for us [warning: non-family friendly language and allusions ahead!]:
1. Vote Republican.
2. Your elected officials chip away at women’s rights.
3. Once legal abortion is abolished and contraception is hard to get, the unintended pregnancy rate goes up dramatically.
4. Your daughter, being a human lady, ends up knocked up by accident (likeliest scenario).
5. Her Lothario, even though he secretly hates her—as all women are contemptible people who only have their bodies to offer men—graciously offers to marry her.
6. Happiness is achieved by being paired off at a young age with a man who secretly resents and loathes you!
Of course, that’s just the likeliest scenario. Here is the idealized version of how it works:
1. Vote Republican.
2. Your elected officials chip away at women’s rights.
3. Once legal abortion is abolished and contraception is hard to get, the unintended pregnancy rate goes up dramatically.
4. Terrified of getting pregnant out of wedlock and making Daddy frown, your daughter tells her Lothario that he has to put a ring on it if he wants to tap that ass.
5. Her Lothario, even though he secretly hates her—as all women are contemptible people who only have their bodies to offer men—reluctantly agrees to marry her because he’s super horny.
6. Happiness is achieved by being paired off at a young age with a man who secretly resents and loathes you and kind of wonders if busting a nut was really worth a lifetime of being strapped to an icky, disgusting woman. He soothes himself by saying, “Well, at least someone cleans up after me.”
Cue “Can You Feel The Love Tonight”.
I continue to wonder how the non-reproductive elements of the Republican agenda work into this save-the-daughters scenario, unless we are to deduce that reduced educational offerings and lower pay will help keep women home to “clean up” after the resistant young man, improving his compensation for taking on the ball and chain from sex to sex with cleaning services. But maybe Ross will enlighten us further if he decides this theme is worth a series of columns or a book.
