Kelly’s Zeroes: Conway Can’t Even Lie Right

Did you ever see the the 2003 movie A Mighty Wind, a folk-music mockumentary made by the same folks who brought you This is Spinal Tap? There’s a scene in the film chronicling the psychological decline of Mitch Cohen (played by Eugene Levy) following the breakup of his personal and professional relationship with Mickey Crabbe (played by Catherine O’Hara). Cohen’s first solo album is entitled Cry for Help; the album cover depicts Cohen in a straitjacket, looking like the saddest person in the world.

I swear, Kellyanne Conway had the exact same expression on her face during portions of her interview with CNN’s Jake Tapper this morning. Like the fictional Cohen album, this was truly a cry for help.

Conway was actually better in her infamous Meet the Press “alternative facts” interview than she was here. Today, she came across as someone who just couldn’t do it anymore, whose skills as a con artist have declined, who can no longer BS with bravado. If this were an athletic contest, Conway would resemble Muhammad Ali in the 1980 fight with Larry Holmes.

It’s clear that Conway knows who’s on the list of suspected authors of the September 5 “steady state” New York Times op-ed, her protests to the contrary. It’s also clear that she believes the op-ed to be true; although she asserted that the author or authors were more pathetic than patriotic, there was no conviction to the claim.

Notice her language in response to Tapper’s question about the significance of having senior officials in the White House “who think it’s their job to protect the country from President Trump”:

To the extent that that’s true, they shouldn’t be there.

In other words, their job is to execute, not through blind loyalty, but to understand that there are issues that prevailed and others that failed in the last election.

What I appreciate about President Trump, Jake, and why I’m there, as opposed to the million other places I could be, is because he’s somebody who has always welcomed, accepted, if not expected, dissenting viewpoints, disagreements.

Why would she mention the “million other places I could be”?

Trump probably hit the roof when Conway said she had “no idea” if the author or authors of the piece did anything that breached national-security protocols. Conway’s job is to make stuff up on the President’s behalf, and she failed miserably in that moment. If that wasn’t enough, get a load of the word salad and mixed metaphors here:

But the president is making the point — I — look, I think this person is going to suss himself or herself out. I think cowards are like criminals. Eventually, they confess to the wrong person: Shh. It was — it was me, but don’t tell anyone.

And, of course, the person will tell someone. So they will probably suss themselves out.

But I really help — I really hope whoever it is doesn’t ultimately get a hero’s welcome and the red carpet unfurled, kill the fatted calf, because what really was gained by being so cowardly? Come forward and say, I disagree with this president’s policies.

Plenty of Republicans have done that. He has turned this city upside down.

Huh?

Conway went on to say that the author or authors “have already undermined their credibility,” which is sort of like Rush Limbaugh calling somebody ugly. In addition, her discussion of Bob Woodward’s new book was simply incoherent.

I fully expect that in the near future, Trump will become upset with Conway’s declining ability to lie effectively, and kick her to the curb. Conway will then become the white Omarosa, writing a tell-all (or tell-some) book lamenting how she had been used by the Trump administration and begging the gullible for forgiveness.

She won’t deserve any. No one who aligned himself or herself with this atrocious administration deserves any forgiveness. Trump may well get rid of Conway before the end of the year, due to the deterioration of her skills at prevarication…and as the old joke goes, we’ll almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

D.R. Tucker

D. R. Tucker is a Massachusetts-based journalist who has served as the weekend contributor for the Washington Monthly since May 2014. He has also written for the Huffington Post, the Washington Spectator, the Metrowest Daily News, investigative journalist Brad Friedman's Brad Blog and environmental journalist Peter Sinclair's Climate Crocks.