So the Washington Free Beacon, that self-consciously vicious new outlet for right-wing investigative journalism, has a big new scoop on the Trayvon Martin case. Don’t read this without a paper bag near if you are prone to nausea or dangerously violent laughing fits:

The individual at the center of the controversial Trayvon Martin shooting is a registered Democrat.

George Michael Zimmerman, born Oct. 5, 1983, registered as a Democrat in Seminole County, Fla., in August 2002, according to state voter registration documents.

I just love this next sentence:

It is unclear whether he voted for President Barack Obama in 2008.

I’m shocked the Free Beacon let a little thing like ballot secrecy get in its way of determining The Truth on that subject.

In the Free Beacon’s corner of the fever swamps, you see, everyone is on a “team,” and the only real Truth on any matter is which “team” you are on. Aha, George Zimmerman’s on the Blue Team! I suppose we are to assume that Trayvon Martin was a Blue Team member, too, since he was African-American and all. But since (a) he wasn’t old enough to vote, and (b) he’s now dead, the Free Beacon cannot use its fine investigative skills to establish that fact.

Still, aha! The whole thing was a Blue Team fragging of some sort, and nothing Real Americans should care about.

Unless, of course, George Zimmerman’s a swing voter, in which case perhaps his persecution will help the Red Team harvest some Hispanic votes.

These people are very nearly beyond parody.

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Ed Kilgore is a political columnist for New York and managing editor at the Democratic Strategist website. He was a contributing writer at the Washington Monthly from January 2012 until November 2015, and was the principal contributor to the Political Animal blog.