I think we may have found someone to replace Sarah Palin. On Monday, she made an appearance at a Fort Worth, Texas forum for candidates running to serve on the State Board of Education:

It began when North Richland Hills’ Lady Theresa Thombs, self-described Dame of Justice, “accomplished guest soloist, and “international evangelist,” ambled up to the microphone. She wasted literally no time before she started lobbing bombs at her fellow candidates, accusing Hardy of being a “life-long Democrat,” and Mahroum of being forced by the state attorney general to pay child support. Her bare-knuckle approach to politics earned her a smattering of boos. Thombs held up her hand for quiet and doubled down. “I have a Republican opponent who has children by two different mothers and owes child support.”

Next, she accused him of fabricating his college degree, eliciting another round of jeers from an irritated audience. But the coup de grâce was this: “You know, his real experience in management is Chuck E. Cheese.”

Mahroum would later insist to The Fort Worth Star-Telegram that he is, in fact, a regional trainer for the novelty pizza chain.

Once she’d finished with her fellow candidates, she took aim, albeit briefly, at the subject that had ostensibly motivated her candidacy in the first place. History, she stated, should be written by “experts, not people from socialist higher education.” As far as the sciences go, “We know we didn’t come from monkeys!”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” she began in summation. “They’re using your tax dollars to brainwash our children into socialist issues and ideas and it is time for it to stop. Common Core and every single shred of CSCOPE has got to go.”

It gets worse:

The campaign website itself, which has since been revised, was a thing to behold. In it she pledges to fight “adgendas and ideoligies,” and to “stem the tide of our best and brightest teachers leaving the classroom to pursue other carriers, because they can no longer live with the policies and mandates they no are harmful to their students.”

It gets much worse.

Dare we ask, “is our children learning”?

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Martin Longman is the web editor for the Washington Monthly. See all his writing at ProgressPond.com