God the Ultimate Golf-Course Developer

So are you a red-blooded American looking for an alternative to Pope Francis’ socialist bushwa about rich countries destroying “our common home” and God’s special love for the global losers? Check out this excerpt from a interview of Donald Trump by CBN’s David Brody at a Southern California golf course owned by the candidate:

David Brody: “Who is God to you? What are some of your thoughts on this? Clearly, you’re a smart man, you’re a smart businessman, you’ve contemplated this before or have you contemplate this?”

Donald Trump: “Well I say God is the ultimate. You know you look at this? Here we are on the Pacific Ocean. How did I ever own this? I bought it fifteen years ago. I made one of the great deals they say ever. I have no more mortgage on it as I will certify and represent to you. And I was able to buy this and make a great deal. That’s what I want to do for the country. Make great deals. We have to, we have to bring it back, but God is the ultimate. I mean God created this (points to his golf course and nature surrounding it), and here’s the Pacific Ocean right behind us. So nobody, no thing, no there’s nothing like God.”

Yeah, God’s the ultimate golf course developer, ain’t He? No wonder a guy like Trump figures the divine plan set up his “great deal” to acquire that property, and now calls him to make great deals for His country to become “great” again, which you have to figure means turning the whole world into our own exclusive resort.

Ed Kilgore

Ed Kilgore, a Monthly contributing editor, is a columnist for the Daily Intelligencer, New York magazine’s politics blog, and the managing editor for the Democratic Strategist.