The Debt Ceiling Peas and Band Aid Blues

July 12, 2511–Archeologists working in the remnants of the great financial meltdown found remnants of a rare 21st century recording that survived the Great iTunes implosion of 2022. Performed by an obscure 21st century blues singer named Blind Muddy Obama, it is entitled “Band Aids and Peas,” and apparently contains references to the debt ceiling crisis that precipitated the global collapse.

Time to pull off the band aid
Time we ate our peas
Time we pulled off the band aid, Eric
Time we ate our peas
If we don’t pull off that band aid now
We’ll all be speaking Chinese

I’ll get Nancy to eat her broccoli
And cut entitlement programs too
Nancy will scream as she eats her broccoli
Then cuts entitlement programs too
But we’ll cut funds for the sick and aged
Now please, increase tax revenue

Put a tax on hedge fund managers
Though it might make John Paulson pale
Time we taxed hedge fund managers Eri
Though it might make John Paulson pale
He can still make more shorting investment banksters
Who are still too big to fail

Time to bite the bullet, Eric
And tax those corporate jets
Got to bite the bullet, Eric
And tax those sleek and shiny jets
Chris Christie can fire every teacher in America
And it still wouldn’t cover our debts

Time to pull off the band aid
Time we ate our peas
Time we pulled off the band aid, Eric
Time we ate our peas
Stop listening to Grover Norquist
You’ve got responsibilities

I know how to solve this shortage
Presidential Product Placement Fees
Yes, we can solve out shortage
With Presidential Product Placement Fees!
So let’s pull off our Johnson & Johnson No More Tears Band Aids
And eat our Green Giant Peas

[Cross-posted at JamieMalanowski.com]

Jamie Malanowski

Jamie Malanowski is a writer and editor. He has been an editor at Time, Esquire and most recently Playboy, where he was Managing Editor.